I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
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I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
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Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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