We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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