It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
where are you?
Hypothermia
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
