my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You have to summon your inner elephant
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
