Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
