She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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