she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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