LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
