toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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