i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
