There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
