Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
