You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
this just has baby written all over it
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
