oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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