last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
this will be a night to untag.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
