How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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