Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
