my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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