ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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