Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
