Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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