so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
