Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
