By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
