idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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