the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
