why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
