if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
