i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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