my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
