I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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