I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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