I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
don't judge my taste in strippers
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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