Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
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And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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