I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
from now on my penis is your penis
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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