We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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