Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
