What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
They left me at home... I'm a liability
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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