maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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