VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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