tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
