I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
