Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
