brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
