Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
