remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
