I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
