You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
