Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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