There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
