I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
