I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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