Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
