just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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