sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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