fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
