A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
