so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
