I met the friendliest cop last night
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize