dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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