Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
