Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
