Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
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Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
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I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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