im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
