finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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