i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
