it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
