wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
