i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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