before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
