lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
