That's when you crack a 10am beer
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Is it because I queefed?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
