Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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