halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
