Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
