Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
