I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
