i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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