in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
So. Much. Porn.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
