:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
