Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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