You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
