so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
