I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
