ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
