After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
It's just like the Real World with babies
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
