my room smells like sperm. sweet.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
