Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Is it because I queefed?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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