He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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