grandma shit on top of the toilet
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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